Thick Thighs, Thin Patience - My Weight Loss Journey (Part 1)

When it comes to body image and self-esteem, I've always had an arduous journey. Thanks to an unhealthy relationship with food, coping mechanisms that rely on lots of junk food, and several traumatic experiences during my childhood, I have always struggled.

      After my mother passed away, I quickly ballooned up in weight. Chocolate had become my closest friend and eating would help keep the thoughts away. There were an abundance of thoughts, so in turn, there was a lot of snacking. Endless snacking. By the end of December 2015, I weighed 250 lbs. I hadn't even realized where I was at with my weight and appearance at that point. I was completely ignorant and unaware of the situation I had put myself in. You'd think that this would inspire change, right? Wrong. Instead, I completely avoided scales and taking pictures of myself.

      It was a family picture that finally brought me back to reality.

      The cousins of my family all lined up to recreate a picture ta…

Happy Birthday, Momma.

It's been three and a half years since she passed away unexpectedly and I'm still finding myself going through varying stages of grief. Lately, they feelings have been raw and powerful, like how it felt in the months following her death.

      I wish I could hug her just one last time. I would give anything to just be held by her and feel her presence around me, comforting me. Sometimes I feel so utterly lost and confused, and so alone in this motherhood experience. Now that I am a mother myself, it seems like the grief is more painful. Everyday I wish that I could call her up, tell her about all of the little things that the babies are doing. My heart aches thinking about her not being able to hold her grand babies for the very first time, to hear their giggles, and snuggle them to sleep.

      I'd like to imagine that today, to celebrate her 41st birthday, we'd be going out to lunch together. Maybe do some shopping. We hug and laugh and I'd have made her a…

Avery's Birth Story - Successful VBAC

Beginning on July 9th, I started having more regular contractions that would start around 3 am and last until 7 am. They would always slow down by the time that Miles would awake for the day at 8 am, but I would still have a contraction between every 10-20 minutes throughout the remainder of the day. This pattern went on for 3 days, with a labor and delivery visit on the morning of July 10th out of desperation. I was only 1 cm and 50% effaced that morning, so I was sure that the contractions were getting me absolutely nowhere and that I was just going through the pain for nothing. It was at that point that my OB suggested we start thinking about a repeat Cesarean. She had Friday, July 13th open and suggested that Brock and I take some time to think it over. She also scooted my next and final prenatal appointment up a day so that she could see if my contractions were progressing me at all.

      On July 11th, I had a prenatal appointment at 9 am. A cervical check showed no chang…

Two Under Two

I've officially been running this gig for over two months now, and so far everyone is still sane, so I'm pretty sure that makes me a pro at this, right? Of course, there's the expected amount of crying from a toddler who doesn't understand patience, an infant who wants to be held and nurse all day, and a momma running on very little sleep, but that's to be expected..

      I'll be honest, I was pretty petrified of how I was going to handle two kids. I had the pretty standard fear of how I was going to manage — if my lap was going to be big enough for the both of them to cuddle on, and how I would tend to the both of them when they both just really need to be held by Momma.

      This two under two life means that there is no shortage of diapers. More likely than not, there are toys scattered about the living room and cartoons playing the majority of the day to keep the older of the two entertained. There are dirty dishes and dirty clothes, even though yo…

Back From Hiatus

I'm back! I've been itching to get back to writing for a month now, but with Avery not sleeping well at night, this momma has very little alone time, and even when I do, most nights I am just ready to fall asleep. Thankfully, things are finally getting back into groove and I'm finding more time to do the things I love: write, craft, and read. 

      This being a momma to two under two thing is awesome. I had imagined it would be a lot more difficult, but I'm pretty surprised to say that for the most part, everything flows and both boys have found their own rhythms. Now, once bedtime rolls around and I have to be sure that Miles has eaten his dinner, gotten a bath, read a book to sleep, all while nursing, comforting, and trying to get Avery to sleep, all hell breaks loose. I dread bedtime, but I know that once Avery is a bit older, I can get more things done at once. Like getting both boys bathed at the same time, feeding them both at the same time, and reading a…

Big Brother & Little Brother Gifts

I saw this idea circulating on the internet and knew that I had to do something similar for my boys whenever they first met. The idea is that big sibling gives gifts to the younger sibling, and the younger sibling gives gifts to the older sibling. Of course, since my boys are so young, I did all of the gift selection, but when they get a bit older and there's a new sibling on the way, this will be so much more fun to do!

      In Miles' big brother bag, I included two Hot Wheels, a toy train, a coloring sticker book, jumbo crayons, a snack to eat at the hospital (yummy Oreos, a nice treat for such a big day!), two big brother themed books, and the blanket I crocheted to match Avery's baby blanket.

      Everything I inlcuded in his bag has been a huge hit! Anything on wheels is the coolest thing to Miles, and we've read his big brother books several times since Avery was born. He's just about finished coloring in his coloring book and the stickers have disap…

Avery is Here!

It's been a while since I have been able to sit down and write on this blog, but only for the best reason ever! On July 12th, 2018, Avery Daniel was born into this world, after a wonderful (but long!) labor that ended in a successful VBAC! I couldn't have asked for a better birth experience, and I am still on cloud nine.

      We are absolutely in love with our precious little boy, and can't get enough cuddles in! Avery has been a peaceful newborn, and Miles is adjusting quite well to his newfound role of big brother.